Simplistic Chaos
Simply Chaotic
It was a while ago when I really questioned who I was, and what I wanted to be. My mind, as slowly developed as it was in Kindergarten, never saw the person who he would have become today to be... This is a short excerpt a brief visual montage into my life.
As a child, I saw my father struggle to support my older brother and I. I saw my dad as this super hero. who went from a struggling late university student thriving to get his teacher's credentials to a struggling father and dealing with his suffering wife of 3 times cancer operations. I wanted to be like him, and in some sense I am. Howeeveer, fast-forwarding 10 years later in high school. I saw my dad, slowly give up... let himself just become stagnant.
So I told him, "Let's go to the gym dad. You're always at home now stuck to that old CRT TV." Days of going to the gym with my dad, I noticed something off about him. Then I overheard him speaking to my grandpa's ex girlfriend about my grandpa's death. I encouraged him to get up and the gym will get his mind off of that. But he yelled at me and said, " Joe one day, you will understand what feelings are going through my head. GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW OR GET OUT OF MY FACE!!"
So I went to the gym alone which was a short walk away from my old house in Cali. I worked out and saw progress
but overtime.. I became worried about my dad's mental health and well being. I watched him retire, but in an unhealthy manner. Then one day, I overheard my dad telling my mom to come with him to fulfill the last thing on his bucket list.
After that, I saw and went with my dad and drove with him to get his scuba deep sea diving license. I never saw a guy so motivated in my life. After he got his license, he told me, "Hold down the fort Joe, you can do this. You're 16 now and u trust you can stay by yourself here for a week. Me and your mom are going to Maui, Hawaii. If I don't come back the house is yours. Your brother just left to who knows where. Be brave.. be strong. "
There I was, as they left for the islands. Not sure when they'll be back, but I knew that I had to handle by doing some of the things I love doing. Which was lonhboarding and cruising while listening to 70s surf music like Devo - Gut Feeling, Cat Scratch Fever - Ted Nudgent, Funk 49 and Rocky Mountain Way- Joe Walsh, etc. By the time my dad and mom came home from his deep sea diving Hawaiian 2nd honeymoon trip. My dad officially retired, and time flew by as I watches him just rot his brain out on reruns of the New Hawaii 5-0 and The Amazing Race. My mom just bought him a Bluetooth headset to hook up to his old box TV and then 10 years later...
One evening after I finished my workout and waited for my dad a fellow gym member yelled to the workers. Hey you gotta call 9-11 there's a man that had a stroke and hit his head on a locker and is laying unconscious on the ground. So I rushed to the locker room to find my dad on the ground with a busted up head, his eyes dripping blood and not responding... I moved the guys away and held my dad's head and tried to wake him up and he came to his senses and tried to walk out of the gym like it happens all the time.
The paramedics came and took him to the ER. I was scarred from the scene that I saw... but a few months after that. I had a life altering experience and fell drinking coffee onto a curb after being hit by a car. Which lead to me opening up my head but luckily I didn't crack my skull open and got staples in my head. My dad suffered through this time that he lost his ability to speak and walk from the incident.
But years later he passed away in a care home, and his ashes rest in peace above the clouds in Maui, HI.
But time went by and I ended up here in AZ. and I grew to adapt and grow stronger and be more independent to keep my dad's legacy strong.
I can thank my family for raising me up proper and with etiquette and loads of support. I'll keep pushing forward and not take life so seriously and enjoy the small moments of joy and relaxation.
